The Fix (2nd March 2008)

This is a song I wrote a long time ago about the first girl I ever loved and the break-up we endured. I suppose it can be said that I got the short end of the stick... but in retrospect, I think I learnt a lot about love and loss that year, and all of it is priceless to me now. Everyone goes through heartbreak... this was my rendition of the hope I felt in reconciliation and I guess now I feel okay to share it, since so much time has passed and so much comfort and closure has been achieved. I think the title is inspired by a book I was reading at the time, A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Go get your fix.

THE FIX

It’s as though we met on a sunny day
Picture perfect in every way.
And while it was all thick and thin,
And as we sipped on our juice and gin,
A timeless world we drifted in.
Things would move from stop to spin,
From high spirits to pantyhose,
From eyes to ears to lips to nose,
First times and many times and all the time we’d be
And everyone would know us - this girl and me.

From moments filled with love more than lust,
For all of it to turn to dust,
Or dissipate or transform or just plain go,
What we felt, did we even know?
All I’m saying is – you should’ve said so.
There were times I’d still see it in your eyes,
Other times I’d hope or even despise;
I looked at you the same and songs would know it,
Films would scream it and my face would show it.
Melancholy, despair, agony and pain,
I still love you, if it’s all the same.

Chorus:
And that’s what keeps me fixed
All the stones and the sticks
Don’t seem to turn me away.
And every time it moved
Hot and cold it ensued
Still didn’t turn me away.

I don’t know how
To look at you now
And all the while
I fake a smile
And stop to pretend and pretend to stop
Through so many games I hip and hop.
Until finally I conclude through logic and reason
To love you still is pretty much treason.
But then it hits me hard and fast
I find myself caught in the past
Back to that warm sunny day
Picture perfect in every way.

Chorus:
And that’s what keeps me fixed
All the stones and the sticks
Don’t seem to turn me away.
And every time it moved
Hot and cold it ensued
Still doesn’t turn me away.

I don’t know why it grew to be this way,
Life has no purpose I’d always say,
Except to create one and when I had you
It seemed so easy, so pure and true.
If you’re out there, and listening alone,
I want you to know you can come back home.
I’d greet you reluctantly with open arms,
We’d drive by sea, and country farms,
I’d hold you close and kiss your shoulder;
Every minute I’d grow stronger and bolder.
Grab your waist and bring you near,
Press my lips upon your ear,
“I love you so much”, I hope you know;
Then I’d wake up and let you go.