The Fix (2nd March 2008)

This is a song I wrote a long time ago about the first girl I ever loved and the break-up we endured. I suppose it can be said that I got the short end of the stick... but in retrospect, I think I learnt a lot about love and loss that year, and all of it is priceless to me now. Everyone goes through heartbreak... this was my rendition of the hope I felt in reconciliation and I guess now I feel okay to share it, since so much time has passed and so much comfort and closure has been achieved. I think the title is inspired by a book I was reading at the time, A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Go get your fix.

THE FIX

It’s as though we met on a sunny day
Picture perfect in every way.
And while it was all thick and thin,
And as we sipped on our juice and gin,
A timeless world we drifted in.
Things would move from stop to spin,
From high spirits to pantyhose,
From eyes to ears to lips to nose,
First times and many times and all the time we’d be
And everyone would know us - this girl and me.

From moments filled with love more than lust,
For all of it to turn to dust,
Or dissipate or transform or just plain go,
What we felt, did we even know?
All I’m saying is – you should’ve said so.
There were times I’d still see it in your eyes,
Other times I’d hope or even despise;
I looked at you the same and songs would know it,
Films would scream it and my face would show it.
Melancholy, despair, agony and pain,
I still love you, if it’s all the same.

Chorus:
And that’s what keeps me fixed
All the stones and the sticks
Don’t seem to turn me away.
And every time it moved
Hot and cold it ensued
Still didn’t turn me away.

I don’t know how
To look at you now
And all the while
I fake a smile
And stop to pretend and pretend to stop
Through so many games I hip and hop.
Until finally I conclude through logic and reason
To love you still is pretty much treason.
But then it hits me hard and fast
I find myself caught in the past
Back to that warm sunny day
Picture perfect in every way.

Chorus:
And that’s what keeps me fixed
All the stones and the sticks
Don’t seem to turn me away.
And every time it moved
Hot and cold it ensued
Still doesn’t turn me away.

I don’t know why it grew to be this way,
Life has no purpose I’d always say,
Except to create one and when I had you
It seemed so easy, so pure and true.
If you’re out there, and listening alone,
I want you to know you can come back home.
I’d greet you reluctantly with open arms,
We’d drive by sea, and country farms,
I’d hold you close and kiss your shoulder;
Every minute I’d grow stronger and bolder.
Grab your waist and bring you near,
Press my lips upon your ear,
“I love you so much”, I hope you know;
Then I’d wake up and let you go.

Don't Stop Believing (3rd December 2009)

You're at a live gig or a concert. You're at a recital or perhaps a movie hall. *Poof* Out with the camera phones.
These technological marvels flaunt high resolution cameras that double as music players with in-built internet browsers. Gadgets of the future.
Oh yeah, and they make calls too. Pfft.

This is a good question: Why is it important to Mr. X to record this event on his cellular phone, a video he is in all probability not going to use afterwards?
His logic: He may use it - he may want to play it again to re-live the experience, he may want to send it to his friends and finally, he might even put it up on the God of all video sharing sites - YouTube.
These are representations of the endless possibilities he is unfolding by whipping out his little toy and holding it up with his hopefully-not-so-smelly arms.

The answer does not lie in the Why but instead the Why Not?
At least this is what I think. Feel free to create new reasons, I don't mean to douse the fire.

Maybe we're supposed to ask a different question. Maybe a better question is "When did there rise a need to document nearly everything that is remotely remarkable or unusual?"
I think the justification here is something that is actually pretty progressive. I mean, c'mon - there has to be an upside.

And this is it - we are becoming a friendlier race, intent on including every Tom, Dick and Harriet into our lives so that the story we tell is
1) more relatable and
2) legitimate.
When I say "story we tell", I mean it existentially.

I'm sure we can come up with more reasons here but the point I'm trying to make is that society is tending towards finding more comfort in sharing and even though that's always been the case, (neanderthals went apeshit on their cave walls back in the day) these technological advances are enabling us to get closer and feel more familial. Communication is the heart of any relationship and if it takes a silly video of a dog walking on two legs to bring a Muslim guy and a Hindu dude to watch and laugh together, by all means!

Ok, all of a sudden my idealism is turning into sappy-soppy stuff. Shit, make that shit. (sounds more masculine AHEM)

So yes, back to what I was trying to communicate.
I think facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and all the forms Google chooses to present itself in are stepping stones toward a community of one and hopefully (stress on hopefully) there'll be some intellectual growth and progress in the mix. (I heart Wikipedia)
Because I'll be the first to say that more people need to start articulating their thoughts and expressing them in any medium.
Be it film, music or literature.
No fucking way is sitting around watching that same dog do hula hoops the answer, you know?

Damn. I have this frustrating love-hate relationship with rambling. I can't help myself. Think of it as ego-food.
If you've come this far, you will be heavily rewarded because I'm about ready to conclude.

Any time now.

Facebook photo albums and videos, Twitter tweets and retweets are brilliant. I seldom use MySpace but hey, that's cool too. Power to the people.
But those darn applications and silly fucking pirate-vampire games (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ) and also, I just have to put this in here - the whole "Like" option are things that are holding us back, man.

Why am I hating on "Like"? I'll be happy to tell you. Its ok for people like you and me. Heck, it saves time and its a quick and easy way to appreciate something. But honestly, all it's really doing is enabling and perpetuating the lifestyle of folks who can't come up with their own things to say in the first place.
Ooh and toggle case. Let's not get started.

*takes a few breaths*
Seeing is believing, I think I understand now. Because believing is a process that needs to be facilitated and seeing is a big leg up.

When I was a kid I felt like maybe the whole 195 countries in the world thing was a hoax and for all I knew, India was it. The rest of the planet was a clever ruse devised by the powers that be for reasons only known to them. I wasn't buying it. I haven't seen any other country. Yeah, there are pictures and I've watched things on the television too, but that's the funny thing about reality isn't it?

I know now that this "world" thing is real and I am not the mark in a large, large confidence trick and The Truman Show really helped push that idea out of my head but I still can't help but feel like I need to see things for them to be established. And vice versa.

For example, I'm here in Delhi now and my wonderful mother is at home, in Pune, sitting in her room and reading a book. Why am I in Delhi? Well let's not get into tha.. a job, I'm here to work. But my mum doesn't really know that I'm here except for the fact that I left her at the station getting onto a train leaving for Delhi.
Yes, I changed my phone number and Yes for a number of other things but really, the rest is an assumption. What if I planned my escape and what if I'm living in another city or the same city even and keeping it from her?
An elaborate lie, I know and completely unnecessary too. But it's possible, right? Of course it is.

No, Mom I'm not still in Pune... this is just a hypothesis. Mom. Maw-om. MOM! Could you just let me finish, PLEASE?
Phew.

Does anybody else out there think like this? Some times? Once in a way?
I cannot be alone here.

Alright. I'm done. This has been fun. Just a recap:
1. Wear deodorant, especially if you have a camera phone.
2. Keep YouTubing, facebooking and Twittering. It's healthy.
3. Smile.
4. Repeat.

I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like (2nd December 2009)

I see metaphors everywhere. If only there were a way to document the ones that make a heck of a lot of sense so we can use them for further application and allow them to spread into the culture of today's world. I mean, why is it that it is so difficult and tedious to infiltrate the dictionary and books of phrases nowadays? Everyone's become so much smarter and creation is such a regular event now, people ought to have a way or a forum to put their shit out there in a way that makes it official, you know?

I say if you have something note or quote worthy to share, the world needs to give you credit for it. There's always so much fuss over who came up with what and all that jazz. Wait, let me stop here. Who came up with "all that jazz"? I'm going to look it up. Hold on.
---
Ok so it's inconclusive. I did some light research (I say "light" because I only looked at the first couple of hits I could find and there are numerous "theories" and most are plausible. I gave up soon after, since I decided this digression has lost its point.)
OR HAS IT?

I am a compulsive looker-upper. A pretty girl not long ago started calling me "GoSee" as a result of all my endeavours for truth, or something like it. And I'm sure there are more people out there like me... Some not as twisted, but most with the same intentions.
And curiosity.

And with this train of thought, I submit to you a metaphor I thunk up earlier this week - "The Theatre Seat Compromise"

This is an analogy for that wonderful disequilibrium in a movie hall or any theatre where your hand is usually allowed only one arm to rest on. Why? Because the other arm is occupied by another gentleman or (gentle) lady's hand and this phenomenon exists across the entire row. It's a perfect example of a compromise that is conducive for all parties to accept it as fair and favourable.
Win-win? I'd like to think so. I am a firm believer of win-win. It's like my favourite sport.

It reminds me of A Beautiful Mind, the movie about a Mr. John Nash and his delirious experience with university, love and intellectual society; complete with spies and everything. So anyway, he comes up with this delightful theory at a bar to maximise his group's scoring-with-women chances. This theory later graduates to become the Nash Equilibrium.

See, in any competitive game your outcome is usually one winner and one loser. His idea is to change that dynamic and maybe create a possibility for each party to win. Personally, I am not a big fan of competition myself. I mean, I am all for working hard to improve my game and obviously this is relative to others but heck, as long as I'm having fun, everything else falls by the wayside. And you can have fun losing too. Not to say that losing is a favourable outcome, but I am suggesting a perspective shift so that everyone wins, so to speak.
This is not unusual, and it certainly isn't something new to society. (While I write this, I'm imagining a basketball game - but I'm sure you can see how it applies to day to day things.)

Apparently it's called a non-zero-sum game, where "some outcomes have net results greater or less than zero. Informally, in non-zero-sum games, a gain by one player does not necessarily correspond with a loss by another."
"Stated simply, Amy and Bill are in Nash equilibrium if Amy is making the best decision she can, taking into account Bill's decision, and Bill is making the best decision he can, taking into account Amy's decision. Likewise, a group of players is in Nash equilibrium if each one is making the best decision that he or she can, taking into account the decisions of the others." (Wikipedia)

So why is it so hard to come by? Why must everyone work so hard to defend their so called "honour" and "pride" when all we're really doing is kidding ourselves.
There is pride in the process.

Ok I'm trying to focus but I'm at the office and there's other people here (employees and such) who are asking me all sorts of questions and in turn, being awfully distracting! Pshhh, the nerve!
*puts hands on hips*

Later!

P.S: http://plus.maths.org/issue47/features/rey/index.html