Well, hello there. It’s been long enough since I’ve written to you. I find the best times to write are when you have a lot on your mind, but you’re not quite sure where you want to lead yourself.
So, what’s it all about? Eh? Familiarity is a funny thing. It’s nearly halfway through 2009 now and if the first bit is anything to go by, this year presents itself to be an entertaining one.
Have you ever felt at any moment that you are dreaming up this existence? You’re walking down a street, or driving your car when all of a sudden you think about yourself and how you are perceived by the people around you and you wonder – is it all pretend? Are we under an illusion of sorts, in which we are led to believe that we continue to exist, when actually, we don’t really have a place in this world anymore. I know I started that out as a question but perhaps this needs to lie as it does - a statement of provocation. We need more of those.
Take a second to understand your friends and yourself. Evaluate and assess the dynamic you possess, or think to possess and speculate whether it could get better than this. It probably can. You’re probably sitting atop a whole mess of junk and nobody has the cahones to pick it apart, one by one and sort it all out. Not even me.
For once in my life, I’d like to feel absolutely limp. As a puppet, perhaps, only directed by strings and sticks and my every action manipulated. Your actions are always manipulated, of course. The worst bit is when you manipulate yourself and don’t even know it. Those folk are the sufferers. But who am I kidding? I like feeling this way. I like thinking I’m in control and I like believing I’m not a puppet. In fact, I even go to lengths to rebuke and berate these so called puppets and think to myself, ever so cynically, why don’t they learn? Why don’t they question? Why don’t they understand? What is it that separates me from them? What is it that separates our entire fucking existence? Subjectivity? Bah.
We’re free, you and I. Free in a cage. Do you see how I see it? Do you see at all? Filthy, blind, deaf and mute bastards. Unfeeling, yet sensitive to change. Sensitive to each other, sensitive to themselves. How is it of any consequence?
Right. I seem to have a lot of pent up writing to expel. I try very hard to remain stoic in social situations. I come off sociable and interactive, but all the while refraining from actually engaging in a conversation of conviction. Why, I ask myself and I know the answer already. I’m done. I’m done having to feel like these things matter, and that we’re all really here to help each other figure this massive puzzle out. Piece by piece, brick by brick, each of us has something invaluable to offer and we’re not about to stop proclaiming it for the world to know. We want recognition for our genius and that’s perfectly understandable. But just for one moment, imagine that what you have to say or show or explain to your collocutor is absolutely pointless and borderline retarded. Wow, maybe that’s a little harsh. But honestly, you reach a point where it’s refreshing to find someone who doesn’t pretend to have thought of everything. Maybe I need to pick up a job at a school because I’ve obviously found myself in the most hypocritical of situations: where I want to teach and not be taught.
Unless of course it’s someone like Bill Hicks.
Cigarette Breaks (24th January 2009)
I’m usually stronger than this.
I’m usually bigger than this.
I’m usually better than this.
“How are you?” they ask, with good intentioned earnest and considerate motivation.
“Fine”, comes the reply. It isn’t false. It isn’t fake.
It’s lack of choice.
Give me a second to take it in.
I may be invincible but whatever happened to my cigarette break?
So what if I don’t smoke? Give me a fucking second.
Being who I am comes at a heavy price.
It’s mostly always worth it.
I lose myself while finding the meaning of the word ‘threshold’.
The burden makes me dizzy. Being invulnerable doesn’t mean I can’t feel dizzy, does it?
Maybe it does. Maybe it’s time to redefine these silly terms and unfortunate titles.
There is no better feeling than punching a keyboard with fingers filled with grit and temper.
Dexterity and accuracy are also key. The backspace and the enter buttons make for brilliant release.
And I can feel the fatigue creeping in.
It invades me and floods me. I wheeze.
Slow down. Shift into second gear. Crawl into a groove easily sustained without having to try.
There it is.
Hardened... and back for more.
Wait, not just yet. Let me get off my cigarette break.
I’m usually bigger than this.
I’m usually better than this.
“How are you?” they ask, with good intentioned earnest and considerate motivation.
“Fine”, comes the reply. It isn’t false. It isn’t fake.
It’s lack of choice.
Give me a second to take it in.
I may be invincible but whatever happened to my cigarette break?
So what if I don’t smoke? Give me a fucking second.
Being who I am comes at a heavy price.
It’s mostly always worth it.
I lose myself while finding the meaning of the word ‘threshold’.
The burden makes me dizzy. Being invulnerable doesn’t mean I can’t feel dizzy, does it?
Maybe it does. Maybe it’s time to redefine these silly terms and unfortunate titles.
There is no better feeling than punching a keyboard with fingers filled with grit and temper.
Dexterity and accuracy are also key. The backspace and the enter buttons make for brilliant release.
And I can feel the fatigue creeping in.
It invades me and floods me. I wheeze.
Slow down. Shift into second gear. Crawl into a groove easily sustained without having to try.
There it is.
Hardened... and back for more.
Wait, not just yet. Let me get off my cigarette break.
A Great Way to Spend Your Day (17th July 2008)
Hello and welcome to the show. My name is V and I am about to recount my experience with LSD. It’s hard to explain... but you need to know. This line will recur, but I assure you, that you need to know; in spite of it being hard to explain :D
We are all trippers, you and I, listening to different kinds of music. That’s what it seems to be about, and I guess it can be described this way. I hope you agree. But I guess that all I can hope for is that you’re listening to the song I’m listening to, at the moment. If I were to be foolish enough to hope in the first place, that is. You and I may even like the same type of music, but that doesn’t mean we need to be listening to the same song at the same time, and that minor difference, is what separates you from me. I cannot deny that you are separated from me. Well I cannot only because I can’t seem to imagine how. But however connected you and I may feel, it is only fleeting and temporary, as is ‘life’; and you can always walk out the door while tipping your hat to that statement. “C’est la vie” and all that. I seem to be brimming with wisdom right now... and it’s hard to explain.
But you need to know :D
Reality is this little party that you and I are attending. So is everyone else. So don’t forget to get fries with your steak, and make sure your glass is empty. Aside from all this rubbish I seem to be on about, I think what my friend here is trying to say, is that reality is what binds us. You and I. We are all left to our own devices, our own journeys, our lives and our Sunday ‘trips’ to the park... but what connects us and what brings us back is this ‘real’ stuff. See now, you may see pink and I see blue, but when we see red together, that’s what we can refer to as REALITY! You dig? Even if you don’t, what can I say? It’s hard to explain... but (you know how this goes:D)
Wait, what’s this? I came here to read about some trippy guy’s trip on trippy stuff! What’s all this real nonsense? Get to the flipping diamonds already, Lucy!
People will and do not believe me when I say I have done acid. Not that it’s a difficult thing to digest, but, oh wait; we’re not talking about the acid yet, are we? So yes, LSD. What it’s like. How does one describe it? Hmmm.
It is one massive mind game motherfucker. For the rest, and if you care to read up, the former portion of this story, I would politely ask you to imagine that I am referring to life. (Life being my topic of discussion). So yes, one large mind game. It is what it is, I’ll give you that. Perception in its truest sense. If there is a true sense, mind you. It basically gives you the freedom to do with your mind what you will. If you want colours then by jolly, you will see colours. Patterns and shapes galore, your trip will seem full of ups and downs and best of all, gives you the ultimate control to decide whether you’d like to see the up, or the down. And that control starts to slip from your fingers. You’re still in control, but less in control of what you would believe control to be. But no, don’t be nervous or wary. EMBRACE IT. Ride the fucking snake. (Yes, I’m still talking about life)
Your brain takes you from one moment to the next in the most elegant and organized fashion, and you see this pattern form in front of you, as each individual’s little autobiography, and it’s brilliant. But ah, with acid, you understand that it is in holding on to that loss of control that counts. “Stop tracing, start spacing”, as he put it.
Music comes alive on your trip. Well it did for mine, anyway. (No, I’m not done with life just yet). The notes and waves bounce around as you see the sound in its utmost clarity. Everything is b-e-yootiful. But this could just as well be me tripping. Haha honestly though, your trip is up to you. You come into it looking for gloom and despair, up comes a double order of depression with some melancholy on the side. But if you’re into it for the divine pursuit of happiness, boy! Do you have an amazing trip in store for you! As you drift in and out of reality, as you stray from exceeding forms of awareness to being absolutely, yet comfortably numb, you start to recognize and realize what it is you truly think it’s about. And that, dear reader, is another way of saying that your favourite artist is left on queue. So get to it. REVEL.
Yes, there are boundaries, yes, there are limits. The Coming Home at Five chapter is quite possibly the epitome of my trip-limit, but you move past it; you transcend. Take it as it comes buddy, and wave at the friendly folk that walk by... because TONIGHT, WE PARTY. Ladies and gentlemen, it really is your trip and I would much prefer to let the space do the talking. So please understand that it is hard to explain, but I cannot possibly stress on this any further - YOU NEED TO KNOW!
Oh, and about that acid. Well what can I say? It’s a great way to spend your day :D
We are all trippers, you and I, listening to different kinds of music. That’s what it seems to be about, and I guess it can be described this way. I hope you agree. But I guess that all I can hope for is that you’re listening to the song I’m listening to, at the moment. If I were to be foolish enough to hope in the first place, that is. You and I may even like the same type of music, but that doesn’t mean we need to be listening to the same song at the same time, and that minor difference, is what separates you from me. I cannot deny that you are separated from me. Well I cannot only because I can’t seem to imagine how. But however connected you and I may feel, it is only fleeting and temporary, as is ‘life’; and you can always walk out the door while tipping your hat to that statement. “C’est la vie” and all that. I seem to be brimming with wisdom right now... and it’s hard to explain.
But you need to know :D
Reality is this little party that you and I are attending. So is everyone else. So don’t forget to get fries with your steak, and make sure your glass is empty. Aside from all this rubbish I seem to be on about, I think what my friend here is trying to say, is that reality is what binds us. You and I. We are all left to our own devices, our own journeys, our lives and our Sunday ‘trips’ to the park... but what connects us and what brings us back is this ‘real’ stuff. See now, you may see pink and I see blue, but when we see red together, that’s what we can refer to as REALITY! You dig? Even if you don’t, what can I say? It’s hard to explain... but (you know how this goes:D)
Wait, what’s this? I came here to read about some trippy guy’s trip on trippy stuff! What’s all this real nonsense? Get to the flipping diamonds already, Lucy!
People will and do not believe me when I say I have done acid. Not that it’s a difficult thing to digest, but, oh wait; we’re not talking about the acid yet, are we? So yes, LSD. What it’s like. How does one describe it? Hmmm.
It is one massive mind game motherfucker. For the rest, and if you care to read up, the former portion of this story, I would politely ask you to imagine that I am referring to life. (Life being my topic of discussion). So yes, one large mind game. It is what it is, I’ll give you that. Perception in its truest sense. If there is a true sense, mind you. It basically gives you the freedom to do with your mind what you will. If you want colours then by jolly, you will see colours. Patterns and shapes galore, your trip will seem full of ups and downs and best of all, gives you the ultimate control to decide whether you’d like to see the up, or the down. And that control starts to slip from your fingers. You’re still in control, but less in control of what you would believe control to be. But no, don’t be nervous or wary. EMBRACE IT. Ride the fucking snake. (Yes, I’m still talking about life)
Your brain takes you from one moment to the next in the most elegant and organized fashion, and you see this pattern form in front of you, as each individual’s little autobiography, and it’s brilliant. But ah, with acid, you understand that it is in holding on to that loss of control that counts. “Stop tracing, start spacing”, as he put it.
Music comes alive on your trip. Well it did for mine, anyway. (No, I’m not done with life just yet). The notes and waves bounce around as you see the sound in its utmost clarity. Everything is b-e-yootiful. But this could just as well be me tripping. Haha honestly though, your trip is up to you. You come into it looking for gloom and despair, up comes a double order of depression with some melancholy on the side. But if you’re into it for the divine pursuit of happiness, boy! Do you have an amazing trip in store for you! As you drift in and out of reality, as you stray from exceeding forms of awareness to being absolutely, yet comfortably numb, you start to recognize and realize what it is you truly think it’s about. And that, dear reader, is another way of saying that your favourite artist is left on queue. So get to it. REVEL.
Yes, there are boundaries, yes, there are limits. The Coming Home at Five chapter is quite possibly the epitome of my trip-limit, but you move past it; you transcend. Take it as it comes buddy, and wave at the friendly folk that walk by... because TONIGHT, WE PARTY. Ladies and gentlemen, it really is your trip and I would much prefer to let the space do the talking. So please understand that it is hard to explain, but I cannot possibly stress on this any further - YOU NEED TO KNOW!
Oh, and about that acid. Well what can I say? It’s a great way to spend your day :D
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